For 5 years I have written my column every Friday for This Day newspaper and with every response I get all over the nation I still feel there are millions out there hurting who need to get help from this treasure in earthen vessel so it was a dream come true when I was offered a life time opportunity to feature on this platform weekly.
I want you to know that together we are going to have a swell time as I cover every aspect of singleness, marital life and sexuality so fasten your belt because every week we shall explore something new and together we shall build the most desirable homes. Ok let us get down to business.
I find it difficult to understand what my husband finds in other women that I don’t have? I do all my best to satisfy him yet he complains all the time. I can’t understand why a man that has a cardilac at home would run after the Okada outside. I think I need help on what I must do to keep my husband at home because I hear my friends share similar stories and it gets me worried
Yemi I. O
I often get lots of calls and emails along this line especially from women who are troubled by the situations in their marriages. And what I do most times is to engage them in a dialogue so that I don’t give a microwave solution (which many of them expect) to a problem I don’t fully understand.
I see a lot of ignorance among married people in the 21st century and I have said it severally that we need to begin to intentionally prepare our young people for the 21st century marriages because the challenges in this century is totally different from the challenges our parents faced when getting married.
It was sufficient for the women of old to remain as wives because they never really had the kind of attractions and distractions the present day men face. The 21st century women must not just be wives they must also be concubines to their spouses. I have addressed our men in my past editions so women should not feel this is a ploy to subjugate women but you have to be able to see it from the real intention which is to assist us build sustainable homes.
I often say to women who monitor their spouses everywhere that a man that wants to misbehave in marriage will do it no matter what you do to track his movement, but if you channel your energy to render exceptional value that is superior to what any other woman can offer you would have reduced his chances of cheating on you.
I have carefully noticed the differences between a wife and a concubine and realized that the 21st century woman has to be able to fulfill both roles so that the man’s appetite would only crave for the ‘Cadillac’ at home. It is a lot of intentional work but it is achievable because I have seen it work over the years. Why would a man in his right senses run away from his beautiful wife to pitch his tent with a stranger who is not up to his wife by any standard? It is called ‘Goodwill’ or ‘Superior service’. Goodwill says that old customers will always return to the old place. In the actual sense of it the concubine doesn’t render superior service, it only looks like it because the grass always looks greener on the other side. However we must not ignore what makes the concubine tic because if we can add it to what we are already doing and do it consistently, we would have been able to keep more men at home and sack the women outside.
I will highlight a few differences here and they are as follows:
1. Treatment – The wife treats the man like her husband while the concubine treats him like a king.
A man that is treated like a king prefers a royal treatment to being treated like a mere husband. How do you treat your husband? How do you talk to him at home and even in the midst of his friends? Look through you kitchen at the plates you have been using to serve his meal and ask yourself for how long have you used the same plate?
When it comes to serving the food how have you been presenting the food and what has been your attitude? We sometimes overlook a lot of things in marriage that makes us perform better at work than home. We render exceptional service at work because of the fear of getting sacked which makes us put up our best attitude. But without such threat or motivation at home we sometimes take a lot for granted, forgetting that as you have others waiting to take your job if you don’t handle it well at work, you also have a lot of women warming up to take your place in the life of your husband.
Every woman should remember that every time you are messing up, someone else is warming up to take your place. Why don’t you move from a husband treatment to a royal treatment today, and observe his response. But you have to do it consistently.
To be continued