Can a Woman Have it All?

Question 9: How did you get to find out about this MTN competition? (The more people write your name, the better for you) Please check previous articles for the rule, this is the answer that delivers the blackberry :))

It’s interesting that after a long break, I’ll have to write on a topic that’s the flip side of my last article. What actually prompted the writing of this article is also very interesting. While i was in the university, i belonged to a clique of lovely focused ladies. We all met in school but had connecting points that brought us together….we were all in the same department and class and shared common values and principles. That made it easy for us to read and have discussions together, pray together and have loads of fun. Did i mention that we started out being 6 in number? After a while, we became eight. After graduation, everybody went their separate ways, career, marriage, etc. There was one of us who inspired me to write this article. She was the youngest, and arguably brightest among us. Everyone knew she was likely to go into research or academics and she never argued against it. But of course, things changed…this was 9yrs ago.

A few days ago, she buzzed me online from the UK where she’s doing a masters degree to ask me a “serious” question. Let me update you on what she did after school. After we graduated, she took up a job with a multinational company for about 4yrs after which she fired her boss and decided to have her own business. She did that for about another 3yrs and the business was doing well but she was tired. She wanted a change. A career switch, an opportunity to make a statement. Hence, the decision to go for a foreign masters in another field. Infact, she sold her naija business to make up the money. By the way, along the line, she got married and currently has 2 beautiful children who are back at home with her parents. Am guessing that she had gotten to a point in her masters where she questioned her decision; she probably might feel like dropping the course and going home to her children. Her question to me was simple, “Can a woman have it all? – A beautiful marriage, godly children, a healthy relationship with God, a great career, success in business….

I immediately understood how she must have felt before she buzzed me – possibly a feeling that she was missing something, or a nagging lack of satisfaction. She had left the people who mattered most to her, traveled thousands of miles to pursue a masters, and now mid way she’s wondering if her decision was the best one and if it was, and would be worth it.

Here’s another side of the coin. I go to my children’s school regularly to pick them, and many times i see mothers already waiting for their children in the car/pavilion. Some of those women look so tired and are just going through the daily routine. It looks like an unending “chore” and they seem to have lost their “personal lives”. Everything that grows and ultimately becomes the envy of everyone takes time and a conscious presence and working at it to be so – a mega business, a great marriage, exceptional kids, etc. Unfortunately, no matter our strong arguments and justification, we can hardly eat our cake and have it; hence, the need to prioritize and decide what’s most important to us. This will help us not feel too bad when the lower priorities don’t yield “great” results. Our priorities will of course, be based on our values.

By design, women are meant to be able to grow and nurture, babies and ideas inclusive. Hence, am not averse to women in business, career or politics, but, once they take a whole lot of our time while our marriages or children are young, we lose a vital part of those relationships.

I am naturally tempted to set my own priorities and share my thoughts on whether a woman can have it all. But i’ll like to have your sincere thoughts, especially today when the world is moving so fast that you’ll be shooting yourself in the foot if you’re not informed. Guys, i want your thoughts. Can a woman have it all?