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Can a Woman Have it All?

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Question 9: How did you get to find out about this MTN competition? (The more people write your name, the better for you) Please check previous articles for the rule, this is the answer that delivers the blackberry :))

It’s interesting that after a long break, I’ll have to write on a topic that’s the flip side of my last article. What actually prompted the writing of this article is also very interesting. While i was in the university, i belonged to a clique of lovely focused ladies. We all met in school but had connecting points that brought us together….we were all in the same department and class and shared common values and principles. That made it easy for us to read and have discussions together, pray together and have loads of fun. Did i mention that we started out being 6 in number? After a while, we became eight. After graduation, everybody went their separate ways, career, marriage, etc. There was one of us who inspired me to write this article. She was the youngest, and arguably brightest among us. Everyone knew she was likely to go into research or academics and she never argued against it. But of course, things changed…this was 9yrs ago.

A few days ago, she buzzed me online from the UK where she’s doing a masters degree to ask me a “serious” question. Let me update you on what she did after school. After we graduated, she took up a job with a multinational company for about 4yrs after which she fired her boss and decided to have her own business. She did that for about another 3yrs and the business was doing well but she was tired. She wanted a change. A career switch, an opportunity to make a statement. Hence, the decision to go for a foreign masters in another field. Infact, she sold her naija business to make up the money. By the way, along the line, she got married and currently has 2 beautiful children who are back at home with her parents. Am guessing that she had gotten to a point in her masters where she questioned her decision; she probably might feel like dropping the course and going home to her children. Her question to me was simple, “Can a woman have it all? – A beautiful marriage, godly children, a healthy relationship with God, a great career, success in business….

I immediately understood how she must have felt before she buzzed me – possibly a feeling that she was missing something, or a nagging lack of satisfaction. She had left the people who mattered most to her, traveled thousands of miles to pursue a masters, and now mid way she’s wondering if her decision was the best one and if it was, and would be worth it.

Here’s another side of the coin. I go to my children’s school regularly to pick them, and many times i see mothers already waiting for their children in the car/pavilion. Some of those women look so tired and are just going through the daily routine. It looks like an unending “chore” and they seem to have lost their “personal lives”. Everything that grows and ultimately becomes the envy of everyone takes time and a conscious presence and working at it to be so – a mega business, a great marriage, exceptional kids, etc. Unfortunately, no matter our strong arguments and justification, we can hardly eat our cake and have it; hence, the need to prioritize and decide what’s most important to us. This will help us not feel too bad when the lower priorities don’t yield “great” results. Our priorities will of course, be based on our values.

By design, women are meant to be able to grow and nurture, babies and ideas inclusive. Hence, am not averse to women in business, career or politics, but, once they take a whole lot of our time while our marriages or children are young, we lose a vital part of those relationships.

I am naturally tempted to set my own priorities and share my thoughts on whether a woman can have it all. But i’ll like to have your sincere thoughts, especially today when the world is moving so fast that you’ll be shooting yourself in the foot if you’re not informed. Guys, i want your thoughts. Can a woman have it all?

MI

MI

9 thoughts on “Can a Woman Have it All?”

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Can A Woman Have it All? | Self-Motivation, Personal Growth and Entrepreneurship Development on DeoluAkinyemi.com -- Topsy.com

  2. mariam mohammed
    December 3, 2010 at 8:16 pm

    wow to say d truth no human can really have it ol but wit proper planin n consideration things can b moderate or even above that. We women of today are daring and at most times go- getter u c, but i think all in all family first then any other thing can follow.but this your friend the resources are not availablw for her to study abroad with her family by her side?

    Reply
  3. Adeolu Akinyemi
    December 4, 2010 at 7:17 am

    Hmmmm… I think there is a way to have it all. Where all are the things that are truly important to one.

    Reply
  4. Nma Nwaokeleme
    December 4, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    Generally speaking, one can’t have it all there MUST be something missing somewhere and so this also relates to a woman….can a woman really have it all?…best mariage, career, love, kids, peace of mind, good r/ship with God, etc hmmm….i doubt if a woman can have it all

    Reply
  5. Gbenguz
    December 4, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    A smart woman sets her priority but most of the time priority is set amiss.
    Amiss it is when she so multitasks that the husband comes last in the pecking order.
    Most women forget that what a boyfriend turned fiancee considers largely in deciding to marry the girlfriend turned fiance is the romantic involvements.
    Suddenly for reasons of work,children,church,tiredness,sloppiness, she depreciates the relationship with the husband-no more passionate kissing,fondling,need I go on?she also starts eating all the food she cooks thereby depreciating her figure which was one of the reasons the husband married her in the first place.Never mind that the husband has put on some flesh too.
    When a moman does not recognise the need to put the hubby first in all ramifications she has lost all.

    Reply
  6. adewale
    December 4, 2010 at 10:44 pm

    …my opinion is no woman(or man) man can av it all… the daily pursuit, aspiration and d struggle all point to wanting more… something amiss…. but wt proper planning en element of ‘finger of God'(some say luck)… any woman/man can av it’considerably’!

    Reply
  7. Adeolu Akinyemi
    December 5, 2010 at 4:54 pm

    Hmmm… good inputs all… well done.

    I think a woman or a man can have it all… where all is a balanced and fulfilled life, with its many components.

    What we need to do most of the time, is first of all empty our cup. We need to get to that place where we realize that having a full and balanced life requires deliberate action, it doesn’t just happen.

    If your life will contain the Big Stones, the Small Stones, the Sand and the Water, what will make that happen is when you prioritize properly. If the big stones don’t enter first, it won’t be part of all that you will have. If you fill your life with Sand first, you have knocked out the stones and pebbles. Prioritization is key.

    In the life of a Woman for example, God and family should be the stones. The Small rocks should be her career, the sand should be her social standing and the water should be every thing else she wants to add. The order is critical to having a full life. Put career first, and you will not have space for family or God, put social standing first and you might sacrifice your career.

    If you want to have it all, put the first things first.

    Reply
  8. Matthew Abolurin
    December 5, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    A happy, wonderful family and happy relationship with God does not come by chance but my choice. We must prioritize our life.

    We might need to sacrifice something urgent for what is important.To do list must come to play in every life.What do I need do/achieve in 2yrs,3yrs or 5yrs or 10yrs from now. And to your surprise, you have it all.

    A man or woman can have it all with commitment, patience, prioritizing ones life and mutual understanding of all the parties involve. God and family comes first and others follows.

    God prioritized the creation of the world, we His creatures can’t do less. We must not loose focus, though something must wait for something.

    Reply
  9. Bukola Ajayi
    December 6, 2010 at 11:56 am

    Brilliant article…

    Can a woman have it all? No, I don’t think so. Prioritising will have to play here, like you have rightly stated. The truth is the 21st century woman would most likely want to have it all in order to fit into her society, other wise, she’d look like she’s from another planet.

    It takes God’s direction and leading…and I must state, some things are just not worth having; and this boils down to living a life of purpose.

    Reply

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