I’m currently very far away from home, so I have the privilege of doing this without my wife being able to see me and influence me against this…lol
Someone actually called me to congratulate me and stylishly inquire if my wife traveled with me to Dubai in my visit a little over a month ago, as far as he was concerned, the news of the delivery proved him right that I went alone. Well I didn’t, she was there with me, in Dubai, South Africa, and everywhere but silently behind the scene.
Maybe if I was at home writing this, a little flavor of flattery could score me some points, but I’m too far away for it to matter, so read what I’m about to say carefully, it’s the truth and it might indeed bless your life.
My very close friends have come to know something about me, that most of my ardent readers don’t. If you think I am a great guy, a wonderful person, a promising young man or anything close to an Angel, if you think well of me, even if slightly, then I must let you know this – After God, I owe most of it to my wife. She is a pillar of strength and reassurance. As the most influential human in my life, I have gotten so far, because she has made my life so uncomplicated. In case you are wondering how this young lady I saw 17yrs ago, asked to marry me 10yrs ago and finally led to the altar 4yrs ago has moved me forward… read on… 🙂
I’ll try to bullet point it, so the learning can be concise, as you know, a man could get long winded when it concerns matters of the heart. I really want people to learn from this so I’ll be straight to the point.
1. She believed/s in me. It’s easy to believe in a finished product, but it takes long term thinking and faith to see potentials in raw materials. I look back at 10yrs ago, when we started out on a relationship, and I can tell you firmly, that I don’t think she believed in me less then than she does now. Back then, I had a pair of shoes and a shirt you could describe me by, you didn’t have to know my name, just mention the shirt or the shoes…lol. My wife agreed and supported me to let go of my high paying salaried job and hug my dreams. Wives and ladies, believe in your men. When you believe, the voice of the noisy negatives and wrong majority matters not. Our ideas may sound stupid, don’t focus your belief in the ideas, believe in us.
2. She married me early.
“Columbia University sociologist Ely Ginzberg published a related study in which he had followed up for some fifteen years a large group of medical school graduates. Over that period of time all of the doctors studied had achieved a considerable amount of professional success. Ginzberg found that one of the strongest and least expected predictors of career success was the age at which a doctor had married. Most Americans have long operated under the ascetic assumption that one of the sacrifices a person must make in order to become a medical doctor is that of delayed marriage. NOT SO, according to Ginzberg’s findings.
Ginzberg divided the doctors up into thirds in terms of how successful they were fifteen years after graduation from medical school. There was the most successful one-third, the least successful one-third, and the third that was in the middle in terms of career success. In a nutshell, the most successful one-third had married earliest in life, whereas the least successful one-third had married latest. Indeed, several of the least successful one-third had not married at all, whereas none of the most successful one-third had remained unmarried Moreover, a majority of the most successful doctors had married while they were still in their junior or senior year of undergraduate work, or while they were in their first two years of medical school training
Of course, early marriage does not assure strong interpersonal skills. However, the evidence from the research of Jencks, Ginzberg, and many others, strongly suggests that early, successful heterosexual interaction does lead to the kind of social skills and social self-confidence that is as valuable in the world of employment as it is within the context of an individual’s personal life.”
Many young men claim to want to enjoy or experience life a little more before they commit to a lifelong relationship. Some claim that career success is stifled by the responsibilities of marriage. On the contrary however, even the millionaires mindsets’ analysis of millionaires associates early successful marriages as one of the common traits of the wealthy. Guys stop wasting your youthful years sowing wild oats. Remember you will reap everything you sow.
3. She doesn’t put me under pressure. I’m not working so hard because I need to work so hard to meet my wife’s needs! She doesn’t want anything, and not because I have given her everything I think she needs. For 3yrs in our marriage, I traveled and saw a good portion of the world, my wife never left Nigeria and never put me under any pressure to take her out. When I cut out of paid employment, my top of the range monthly salary became 10% of what I was used to earning. She never complained once. I had nothing but her support and encouragement. I honestly cannot remember anytime in my life when I had to worry about looking for money to get my wife anything she has made abundantly clear she needed. I currently work so hard to ensure that since she doesn’t put me under pressure she reaps all the pleasures I can afford.
4. She doesn’t take me for granted. There is a way you become common in someone’s eyes when you have seen the person finish…(when you know the person inside out). Familiarity they say breeds contempt. People who were once valuable in our sights, we get close to them, and they reduce in value in our sights and we lose the connection that made them a blessing to us. Is it not Adeolu Akinyemi, he was my boy in Secondary school… e.t.c. On the contrary, my wife regularly makes me feel like a super star, and trust me, the worlds boo or praise pale into insignificance besides the perceptions of the ones we love and respect. Ladies… if the distant world show more respect for your husbands than you do, you might soon lose him and be the distant one. Celebrate your hero.
5. She doesn’t bash my ego. My wife is not into the competition of “who won the argument with me”. She doesn’t want to win at all cost. Too many times after the fact, I discover I was wrong and she was right, she doesn’t rub it in. All men have egos and trust me, it’s not about being right or being wrong, the way it’s handled in such a way as not to bash the ego really counts. Many men have such fragile egos, they beat up their wives. Men are at different stages of their maturity walk and learning what feeds who’s ego can make the tail wag the dog.
6. She is extremely low on the nagging scale. There is nothing as pressuring and discomforting as consistent reminders about habits you can’t change in a day. Many men work late and extend their business travels, not because they are in love with their secretaries, but because they need some rest. Their wives are musicians with specialist skills in beating the drums… their ear drums. If there is one thing that my wife has nagged me about, it’s about me nagging…lol
7. She trusts me. I have a privilege most men do not have. I can safely be found behind locked doors with a lady, and my wife will believe what I say. I am trusted, and trust me, that makes being trustworthy a responsibility. There is nothing I do, that I hide from her. I asked her to trust me, and I ensure that I live up to my demands. She is not policing me all over the place, scrutinizing my relationships or acting detective through my text messages. She is a friend of all my friends and expects nothing but the highest of standards from me. If you can’t trust a guy, don’t marry him. If he cheats with you, he’ll likely cheat on you. Loan trust, and then ensure it is earned.
If you will be successful in Life, who you spend your life with matters 100% and when matters almost as much. I’m sure one lady somewhere will learn a thing of two from this, I hope some guy somewhere too. Maybe there are some things I am doing right as well that has gotten me so lucky to end up with this jewel of inestimable value, maybe u should check her blog for that…lol. Every time I think about my wife, I thank God, because I couldn’t have been so smart to know who was best for me. Guy- take out time to celebrate your wife/lady. I just did.
50 thoughts on “My Most Untold Secret”
Hm…I cant believe I am actually reading this. It was as if I am the one who actually wrote this. Pastor D., I agree with you totally on most if not all of the thought shared here. It seems we have so many things in common as regds our experience thus far. Like you, my wife married me early :-d and I can only wish I had asked her to do that early. I am enjoying every bit of it.
Having a wife like mine has definitely increased my confidence to pursue my dream. She stands by my decision and does everything to encourage me. I am back in school now only ‘cos she could see things from my ‘eyes’. The decision seems foolish to many but I still went ahead only ‘cos I have her support.
I agree with you that most guys are under pressure to meet up with the demand of their wives. I must say that I have had a different experience. There had been occassions where I had to borrow money in quote from her without paying back. She does not turn this into an opportunity to nag. I am definitely going to write a book on her soon.
hi,saying this write up was fantastic will be an understatement.am glad u could celibrate your wife this way.my regards to the family.see u at the top
Nice and inspiring post as usual from Deolu. You have sure obtained favor from the Lord.
I am sure your wife would really appreciate this.
I am not yet married but believe by the grace of God would sure find favor from the Lord too.
Wish u all the best
Cheers!
http://www.freelancez.blogspot.com
@Deolu,
Are you sure we did not marry the same person? (lol). Last monday was my wife’s bday and most of what you’ve said were the thots running thru my mind. though i don’t have the benefit this medium to let pple know how good/fulfilling/satisfying it is to have a lovely wife. The holy book says “who can find a virtuos woman? for her price is far above rubies”. prov 31:10-31. I am so grateful to baba loke for bringing her my way.
Thank God for the “good” thing you have been given by God.
Sir,
We still want to be like you when we grow up.
I must confess that you are a perfect role model cos you model every aspect of life excellently.
Have fun!
Deolu,
You just made a large deposit into ur wife’s emotional bank account!
Sure she’ll appreciate this . . .and you are bound to withdraw in bouty too 🙂 i can testify to the fact that shes a warm, understanding and likeable person (Tope i’m not psyching u)
I pray God will continue to stregthen ur luv for one another!
Great being your friend!
Hi Adeolu,
This article is unique above all i’ve read on this website. You’ve just refreshed my memory of a great gift i need to give to my wife, i accept your advice with all my heart, you have just ignited me. I enjoyed the little gist of your relationship, it’s great, Kudos to your wife, thanks for posting her picture too it helps imagining her virtues. God will continue to strenghten your marriage with unwavering love and understanding, remain blessed.
I am very happy for you.Please keep it hot.Some have not been as lucky!
It was Patrick Murray who said “I have had bad luck with my 2 wives.The first one left,the second one didn’t.”
Immediately i read this i just couldnt get my hands off the phone to my fiancee…I also needed to make her feel good as well make her know what she means to me! (This is so important in a relationship, be it a friendship, marriage, work, whatever)…i appreciate the way you make your best friend the centre of your life. It inspires me and I’m sure will inspire a lot of others too.
Topsy….you’re ok jo….all this for you…..!
Baba D….
Otito Oro ni O pa! I am not saying this because I know you and Mama Ure …. but you guys are a testimony and role models. As you rightly said – Tope is a beacon and a great person. Great listening skills, down to earth and a friendly woman. Once you have a wife like that – even God will be very happy with you and all the favours must just follow you 🙂
You know sometimes, it is easy to make mistakes – but when God gives you a peek into some lives, you can’t but think and do the right thing. The entertainment industry, films and media might give us an idea of the kind of man/woman we should be but lailai – we will not do that but instead seek God’s guidance and also watch his children that are doing the right thing.
Once again baba God – I promise not to sow any wild oat but do your will. Thanks Deolu and enough respect for Tope.
Yes!u’re the kind of man fit to be my role model.A total man indeed.thank God for people like you that are committed to doing the right thing and are not looking for available opportunities to attempt the wrong thing.
younger people need to know now more than ever that, it’s possible to be successful and happily married(ONCE).
God bless your wife for being what she OUGHT to be.
my prayer is that 50yrs from now if Christ tarries, u’ll still be saying the same.
INTERESTING!How I wish all men would learn to celebrate their wives, at least some virtues in them.Maybe that will go along way to solve many marital issues.
Mind you, all women love to be celebrated.I am sure Deolu’s wife is not a saint,but he has chosen to celebrate her virtues.
MEN! LAERN TO CELEBRATE ‘HER’,sHE’S NOT TOTALLY BAD
Dear Deolu, what else should be said. Thanks for putting this on paper and inspiring many, myself inclusive.
As i read thru ur post, i found many similarities in ur story and can associate with a number of the thgs u raised.
Hmm, may God give us d grace to do the right thgs at d right time.
Cheers
Well said Deolu, you have it made in that area and as I am realising fast, this area cascades to affect all our lives.
Tope is a rare one indeed and I have seen your words in action.
Peeps, I am sure we can learn lots from this, especially ladies. But its not complete.
Why?
Well, I have known Deolu for a decade plus and I tell you, he has built his character and leadership ability to a high level. However this is not my story, so I hereby call on Mrs Akinyemi for her side of the story. We gentlemen needc to learn from that….
Bayo.
This is really nice to read. I didn’t expect anything less from you, anyway. May the Lord continue to keep and bless your marriage and everything you lay your hands on.
Congrats on the delivery of your new baby.
Blessed are they who appreciate their wives for they shall live in joy, happiness and peace. I always knew there’s much more behind Tope’s beauty that keeps ‘Oga’ going and now a little has been let out. Sir, i believe there is more reserved for a latter date. I confess, this one touch me.
Oro (great expression of the heart),
Adeolu omo Akinyemi, you have just expressed in its entirety what makes a marriage work – Total Cooperation and support of the wife. I happen to fall in the same category of men who got married early and enjoying full support of their wife. As you have enumerated above, the benefits far out way the odds or demerits. Truly, a woman that trust you enough to marry you when you had nothing, and believes in your dreams and calling as it were, is worthy to be celebrated.
A flash back to events that led to my marriage, funding and even life in marriage shows that, without the support of your one’s wife, love, care and encouragement, a man is bound to be displaced and could loose focus.
One prayer to all folks yet to be married on this forum is that you will meet you soulmate because this criteria speaks volumes of what holds in the marriage, months & years after the wedding day.
If you’ve got it flunt it,I can’t say less about my jewel too.I thank God for giving you a wonderful woman,I also bless God for my wife too.
@ ALL,
All i have read on this article and the follow up commentries have been lovely and frankly, very encouraging .
I Wish my story is As perfect as all of yours . I am in my second marriage !
My first was to a woman i met and dated for three years after which we were married for four years. It ended in a DISASTER ! I will save you the story.
My present wife is everything you have described , so far on this forum . Even more
Believe me, we met only three months to our wedding and it was purely ‘family arrangement ‘ . Now we have three children. My only regret is i should have met ‘Sadika’ many years befor now .
Friends , i have heard and seen so many bad marriages and i will say whoever finds a good relationship should keep thanking God ,not the stars.
Imagine after a day of jumping from one molue to another to make ends meet and 3.am when you are in the most relaxing moment of your night someone gives you a slap across the face And that person is suppose to be your spouse . The story is long !
In hausa they will say -Allah ya kiyaye ! In Yoruba Its -Olohun maje ari okoba. Sorry i am still taking ibo classes.
moha 1
Waoh!
All these for me? I am short of words…., Deolu had actually mentioned his intention to write an article about me before he travelled, but i didn’t encourage him, and then some days after, i start getting calls from people who had read the post. I really truly appreciate this article, moreso the timing is perfect and it’s coming at a time when i’m under the pressures of motherhood and recovery (had a fever a few days ago).Thanks Dee, you’re the best!
For Bayo Olotu and co who want my side of the story, watch out for a full write up in my blog soon.
As for all the qualities written about me, all i can say is that Deolu has given me the opportunity to express and improve myself in our home. He’s my friend, lover, brother and partner in progress. It takes two to have a good marriage, and an indicator of a faulty marriage is if one party is working harder than the other to make it work.
Are we there yet? We’ve still a long way to go. God help me to keep doing the things i should to be the best i should be for you, for our children, for our generation and more. I do appreciate you, my love, for this gesture!
This is the grand master of writeups, the most stimulating as far as deoluakinyemi.com is concerned in my own judgement. Deolu, you have done justice to the issue and I must join all the previous comments to thank God for giving the yourself and yourwife the opprtunity to be the best.
I might be wrong, but this is about the first of your articles that will have a picture psted with it, when I saw Tope’s picture, i knew I was in for a mind blowing reading.
Of all I would like to say, I think i will just say: Tope and Deolu, keep it up! your best is yet to come! Keep doing the good you know to do, in due season, you’ll reap it bountifully!
You guys have been a source of inspiration to me and since I discovered your site, I got hooked!
Let Me congratulate you on the birth of your new baby, Olorun a wo! Its hectic when they arrive at first, but as time goes on, we all get used to each other.
About the write up, I wonder how many of our men could do same, Its a challenge to you guys out there. Its great to appreciate what we have, and with such attitude, the sky is your limit. Keep the flag flying.
Love to read more of you.
Deolu,
This is so taught ful of you! ..
Tope; i don’t know you though, but am proud to hear this about you.
Bayo.. Hope you will right something like this very soon.:)
Hi Deolu,
Quite an interesting article. Thank God for your life. I believe the grace of God has really make things to work out for you and your wife. I am really happi for both of you. May the good Lord continue to strengthen you. I am also happily married (7years+) and believe me its been a wonderful experience and i pity those Guys out there sowing ‘wild oats’ when they can be harvesting ‘sweet apples’ inside their house. Also, i’ll like to say i wish we men can actually tell our wife this things to their face though most of us acknowledge them without putting it into words. But what i really want to ask of you is if you have put a thought to creating an avenue to reach out to more people apart from using the internet i.e. radio, tv, etc
You are already a motivational speaker but i believer you can bless more souls through other means because a whole generation is still out there looking for that BIG brother (not like the BBA type) to lead and guide them. Remember Pst Bimbo and the impact she made on this generation. I am not asking you to become a Pst( you are a CHRISTIAN anyway) but i believe you can give it a thot. I am also a christian and i am doing smthg at my local parish level already becos i believe a christian should die EMPTY. When i say empty, i mean all those things deposited in Us should be given out as seeds so that the word of the Lord can be fulfilled – Go and make DISCIPLES of nation. Remember , a seed gives birth to many FRUITS. You are already a Leader thro this medium but let others who dont have Internet access also get blessed.
God Bless you and this generation of NIGERIANS who truly believes in Nigeria.
Everything written by Pastor D about his wife is true. Tope is a rare gem, she does not nag nor complain, she is hard working and believe me she helps Pastor D get on track at work, when he comes up with all the ideas in this world :).
Mama Ire, we love you and cherish you.
Pastor D I will surely take your advice and appreciate my lovely wife to be…
Hello Deolu,
Reading thru this post am compelled to drop these few lines. The write-up fits perfectly into God’s intention of what a wife should be- “an help meet”-and for this i say a very big CONGRATULATIONS to you ( and ur wife)
I wish u and ur wife many more blisful years of marriage and productivity.
Please, we (the singles in the house) covet your prayer that God will grant us such mercy and favour to find our true life partners.
Keep the flame bruning!
I have recommended this article to quite a number of persons since I read it… 1 is wedding this weekend, another was down and some others with other sorts of challenges. There is non that hasn’t had an encounter reading this post.
I remember reading that 1 of the laws of success is Loving Someone. This is a proof to that theorem.
Keep up the loving work
Truly, your most untold secret Deolu!!!
Thank You so much for this graceful article.
It is good to appreciate your own !!!
Tope, pls keep the good work, the future is indeed Brighter.
May your Home be Blessed forevermore.
About going on air, i know you will get there at the right time and soon.
Cheers !!!
Tope, thank you for being the paragon of virtue that has created the right atmosphere to make Deolu the obvious example and paradigm of success he is to many of us! Deolu thank you for being wise enough to fan the embers of ur success by publicly celebrating Tope! Its gladening to know that God has been so good to many of us (and I believe will be so good to many others that trust Him)- giving us wonderful wives. Guys lets follow Deolu’s example by making up our minds to never take our Jewels of Inestimable Worth for granted but rather give them the honour and support they so greatly deserve. God bless ur home Deolu. Cheers!
Deolu, I am happy for you for the gift of a lovely wife that you have got.It is a proof that you have obtained favour from the sight of God.I agree totally with you on all your expositions and I subscribe whole heartedly to the fact that early marriage helps a man to achieve his goals in record time provided that the person is married to the right person.I also intend to settle down with my angel -Abimbola mi as soon as practicable.
HI,
This is sooo sweet and i’m sure alot of ladies will think so to. My hubby and i got married early and ………………… God has been soo faithful. I agree with you 100%, wives/ladies trust your man, encourage him,stand by him,massage his ego and i tell you the returns are HUGE, i can testify to that. And guys celebrate your ladies, you’ll be surprised what a woman who is loved and in love will do for her man
Great piece. You’ve written many in the past but this stands out.
Top drawer!
Akin Alabi
deolu u are relly a man sent by GOD JUST KEEP IT UP
she is your bone of bone and flesh of flesh.both of you are walking according to the holy word of God.Encourage the young ones that Jesus christ makes the difference.continue to appreciate one another.Godbless your family.
Well, you just drew my wedding day closer. lol.
I agree with you 100%. Why not start chasing your tens of thousands with the best gift God has given you (me in this case).
Wow ,this is awesome.You mean marriage is this sweet?Men i gat to get married fast…….lol
This is my first time of reading your story and i am so impressed. Early marriage is good (unless someone out there has a contrary opinion) and i believe young ladies will take a cue from this story.Young men must not be spiritually aloof when searching for a wife because marriage is not for ‘boys’.
true talk…men need some level of spiritual understanding in finding a wife and the ladies should make themselves findable..lol
I have seen the impact of what you just wrote about in the lifes of everyman i studied and i must connfess i agree in totality with you.
Thanks a million for this, i betetr begin to adjust my plans for 2008 to accomodate my marriage.
hi deolu this is wonderful! you know when the bible said he who finds a wife has found a good thing and obtains favour from the lord, it was prophesying all u re experiencing in your relationship. her love and support is what the bible was talking about and believe me thats all a man needs to reach the skies in career and all other aspects of life. congrats and congrats again. and to ur wife i must say she is a role model. her children will bless her.
bless u!
Let me make a confession:
I have always admired your marriage at least with the little I see.
I wish you the best of life
Thank God for the Grace & Favour.
I know Tope in person, she’s indeeed a wonderful person, encouraging you to continue even when you don’t belive in yourself.
She’s been a great source of encouragement. Congratulations Deolu, this is the blessing of the Lord that makes rich & adds no sorrow.
hi,deolu i do not regret reading ur untold secret.thanks 4 sharing bcos i know just wat 2 do 2 keep my spouse happy.thanks.wishing u and ur wife all d best.least i 4get,ur bundle of joy also.
I am a young girl in my middle twenties. I am kind of facing some challenges about marriage. My mother wants me to get marry as early as possible. Mostly to a guy I brought, though I brought the guy home to show them but now and kind of confused. I am not sure am in love with in him anymore. My mother said maybe because we have been dating for almost two years then that is why I am fed up of the relationship. I have sat myself down several times to understand why I don’t love him anymore but I can’t just say. Though he is a nice and caring guy but he gets angry easily, mostly he doesn’t take to my advice, we really don’t have conversation together, he wants to be around me all the time and he English is poor.
I just meet a guy, though we have been friends for some years now but not too close. I fall in love with him.
The question is it the new guy that made me realize I don’t love this guy or is it natural. I am confused, my mother wants me to get marry to the 1st guy next year. But I really don’t want to but she never allows me rest in the house to the existence of her calling the other not to ruin her daughter’s life.
Please I need a motherly advice do I go on with the wedding or what?
Thanks
I’m particularly encouraged by your most untold secret, and I tell you what, I’m privleged to be privy to this information. Two things – low level of vanity and low nagging attitude – stand your wife out from a lot of women. I congratulate you for marrying your wife. Indeed, your wife is like the wise woman, who buildeth her house, and whose price is worth more than rubies…. May your home be continually filled with love, joy and peace, which are basic ingredients needed for your progressive success.
Hi Deolu, your write up on your wife almost brought tear to my eyes. It is good to know that in this part of the world true love and repect is appreciated and acknowledged. Your wife really is blessed. She is an example of the virtous woman the Bible talks about. I wish you guys many more wonderful years. Congratulations! also on your new born gift (hope this is not coming too late).
Take care.
everyman will be proud to have a sonderful wife just like yours. you took some risk when you were talking about leaving a job that was paying you good cash to follow your dreams. in a country such as ours that there are scarcity of jobs, not many women will support your action but she beleived in you and that is very vital(trust). i wish you many more marriage bliss and hope someday i can speak about the man i will marry just like you have. God bless you sir.
I CALL THIS: “THE IDEAL HOME”….fault it by giving it a trial
Happy new year.It’s good to come across somebody like you.U’ve been a blessing.So i will actually wish to see you talk.I am currently planning to hold a programme/seminar on Gift and Talent discovery and i want you to be the Guest Speaker.I am looking @ 13th or 20th of March.Please reply. Powered by Tonell & Cole. Event and Entertainment outfit.