If you had to choose one of the two, I suspect most parents would choose number 2.
Be extremely successful while your children end up average or subpar in life.
Be moderately successful while your children go on to be more successful and be your pride and joy.
Most parents will pick option 2 with their mouths, I know I would. The real question, however, is that are we making decisions about these children that will lead to number 2 or to number 1.
One of the biggest testimonies I have heard from the mouth of 60-year-olds these days is the joy they feel when their children live independently without their support and even look back to support them. One of the biggest joys of old age is when you look at your children, and they are doing well. It makes all your efforts worth it, and honestly, you’ll willingly give away everything for the opportunity to see your children do better than you.
It’s amazing how disconnected we tend to be from the real factors that are responsible for our lives. What has taken us thus far, and what is taking us further? Are you aware of what you really need to do to help your children?
If your parents are not excited about your life, if you are not their pride and joy, if you are struggling to fit into the big shoes created by your parents, please note that it’s not over yet, it may still be early. If it is, however, late, then don’t beat yourself up, learn from what they did, and make sure you don’t repeat it in the life of your children. It is not wise to take your children along the same path that has not turned out well for you. Go for all the counseling and support that you need.
If your parents are, however, excited about your life, and you have become their pride and joy, ask yourself, what was responsible? Was it because they gave you a premium life? What exactly did you get from your upbringing that made you turn out a better version of your parents? If you are struggling with the answers, let me dare to make a few suggestions and ideas. Could it be that they ensured you got an education? Could it be that it didn’t matter that it wasn’t a premium school? Can you remember that with your not-so-premium school, you still did better than those who went to premium schools?’ Could it be that your parents instilled the right values from early on? Warning you that lying, stealing, and promiscuity were progressive classes in the same school of error? Could it be that your parents loved each other? Or even if they didn’t love each other, they created an environment that made you know early that you need to take responsibility for your life. Did they provide an environment where laziness was called out and having a little free time was tantamount to an invitation to extract melon seeds? Or did you simply grow up in an environment that made you easily accessible to the gospel?
It’s amazing how we don’t really pay attention to the journey that has led us to where we currently are. So many of the things people struggle to do for their children will not make them better; it may only make them more dependent. Pay careful attention to the ingredients that cook the soup of your current life. Yes, I know that it’s not the best life, but your parents achieved better than themselves, and you want to achieve better than yourself, right?
Look at all the factors, and I hope it will become clear to you as it is to me what moved the needle for you. For me, the biggest things were;
What my parent did – love each other, instill the right values, work hard
What my parents expected – the best, celebrated my success, set goals for me
What my parents didn’t know was they did – Put me in an environment that made God’s encounters possible.
Remember, when analyzing this in our communities, the term parent may be a village.
Run through your life script, identify what you want to duplicate for your children, and cook a better soup by God’s grace than the one you were given. Feel free to share your observations with me. Thank you.
Kind Regards,
Adeolu Akinyemi.
